On Friday I found out that an old friend of mine had passed away after a long illness. We hadn't been in touch for quite a while; he was a very private person and had told me the last time we talked that he was having some health issues. While it was nothing I needed to worry about, he assured me, it made regular conversation difficult and he would be back in touch when things settled. Of course they never did, and the pain of loss was magnified by the fact that I hadn't spoken to him in so long. It's shockingly easy how people, even ones you care about, can pass out of your life with hardly a whisper. It's easy to get caught up in the business of life--in work, appointments, hobbies outside of work--and forget about the things that make it really matter, the connections with other human beings who are on the very same journey that we are. It is beyond easy to postpone a phone call, email, or whatever method of communication to those we care about but may not, for whatever reason, see on a regular basis anymore. Before you know it, a month, six months, a year has passed, during which time you have every good intention of finally saying hello, of getting back in touch, but you never do.
And then there comes a time when the best intentions don't matter--one way or another that person is gone, and the opportunity to call is forever lost. It's a reminder of the startling impermanence of life, that while we do not like to think about it there is a very real end point to everything. All life ends. Everyone we've ever known or cared about will grow old and die. Species fall into extinction with disturbing regularity, and even the universe itself will one day end. Life is in many ways sad, but to focus exclusively on that sadness is to miss the whole point of life. The very fact of life's transience is what makes it beautiful, the fact that it will all come to a close.
Life can be sad, of course, but there is still joy to be had in it, and with his wide range of interests I am quite sure that my friend knew it. He was a kindly person with a wonderful sense of humor, and many of us could, I think, take a lesson from that. Many events in our lives are completely out of our control, many of them awful, but we can dwell on the sadness of it or we can focus on the wonderful things in life, whether time spent with friends, learning something new and extraordinary, or the small joys of watching something grow or making someone's day better even in the littlest way. These things matter. They may not be enough to erase the sadness of life, but in some ways the sadness of life cannot ruin the little joys either. The smallness of our lives, the insignificance, really, of our human existence on the grand scale of the universe, does not take the meaning out of it. In the end, I think, that is enough.
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